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2/02/07 12:18am
Subjects
Covered: The Circus, Bait and Switch, Hook Line & Sinker,
Bubba's Towing, Google Maps and Pottery Wheels
The
story you are about to read is true.
The
names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Long,
you better grab a cup of Tea before you start reading this.
Bill Gates was right when he said that the internet
would give the average person the power of unlimited information.
He just didn't include an instruction manual with anything
after windows 3.1! So we have to figure it out as we go.
While surfing webpages today, I came across a
couple of dealers I hadn't seen before. Even though at first
glance they appeared to be the same as most, "Lowest
Prices" "Fast Shipping" etc. Something didn't
smell right. So I clicked on the contact page and looked up
their addresses. For those of you who have not found the satellite
view on the google.com or ask.com maps, give it a try. Go
to google.com or ask.com, click on maps (it's right next to
"web" above the search bar) type in your
address and see what pops up. If the map looks right, click
on the satellite view button. Wa la! There's a view of your
house.....and a view of all of the stuff in the back yard.
Pretty cool huh? Granted sometimes the addresses are off by
a couple hundred feet, but when you type in an address of
a "Major Supplier of Pottery Equipment" and it comes
up in the middle of a residential neighborhood with no warehouse
in site, it makes me a little more than curious. On one webpage
the prices of a couple of things looked a little "Too
Low" so I thought I would see what it really cost to
get one delivered.
On
the web: "Lowest priced Shimpo VL Whisper"
The Bait.
Me
"Hello, I would like to get a Shimpo VL please"
Them
"We just sold the last one."
Me
"When will you have more?"
Them
"Not sure, the manufacture is way behind building them,
could be weeks"
Me
"Do you have any of the RKs left?"
Them
"Nope, out of those too. But we do have plenty of ______
in stock and are a better deal for $xxx.xx less" The
switch
Do you know what a "Bait and Switch"
is?
Let's stop here for a moment and talk about one
of the most memorable lessons I've learned from the bait and
switch.
Titled:
Why a Potter's Wheel is like an Elephant's Ass
Have you ever been to a "Free" Circus?
You'll see the flyers show up about a week before the show
comes to town. "Free Circus Tickets Here" and then
you will hear "Daddy, Daddy, free circus tickets. Can
we go? Please. Please. Please." "Yes, I'll take
you to the circus." I grab a couple of "Free"
tickets and off we go. That's where I took the Bait.
As
I drive into the field with the Big Top Tent down in the middle,
the first thing I see is an old, beat-up, Four Wheel Drive
Pickup parked just inside the gate. It says "B&B
Towing" "We cheat the rest, and pass the savings
on to you" on the door. Bubba and his brother Bob are
watching me closely with just the slightest grin on their
face. I drive on down into the field and park as close to
the tent as I can, next to three Yugos. Which is strange.
I can't remember the last time I saw one Yugo, much less three.
Anyway, the sky is getting a little gray to the North and
I can hear thunder. It always rains when the circus comes
to town.
To get into the Big Top, we had to work our way through one
of those back and forth mazes, the kind that you have to walk
300ft to get 30ft from where you went in. As we get near the
front of the line I hear the ticket taker asking folks if
anyone would like to "Upgrade" their ticket. "What's
an upgraded ticket" I ask. "I have a few choice
seats left" he said. "We had a few VIPs not able
to attend tonight. The free tickets are for the Yellow section
and if you would like to upgrade to the blue section, it will
be $12.50 each" This is the Switch. From
where I'm standing I can see the yellow seats and they look
to be right in front of the center ring. "No thank you"
I said. "The yellow section will be just fine."
Stay with me here. Skip to the end, and this won't
make any sense.
As we enter the Big Top you have to stay to the
right. The first thing you walk by is the "Ranger Sword"
booth with what sounds like a drunk radio announcer barking
"Get your R..a...n..g..e..r S...w...o...r...d..s
here, Only $9.95 each!" More bait
No
thank you, $1.95 at the Dollar Store.
Next
is the "Ice Cold Drinks" booth.
Small
$3.50,
Medium
$6.50,
Large
$8.50
Jumbo
$9.50. Best Value
Next is the Peanut Peddler. You must have peanuts
at the Circus. "Peanuts, peanuts, peanuts! Get your roasted
peanuts here! Hot nuts for everyone tonight!" $6.50 per
bag! Still more Bait. Maybe later.
In front of the first set of bleachers we come
to is a Ticket Booth, yes another ticket booth. The lady in
the booth asks me "Sir, would you like to upgrade to
the Red Section?" Looking at the green seats behind her
I say "Don't you mean the Green Section?" she says
"No sir, this is the Red section" and points to
the tiny sign hanging above the last row of seats. Ok, I'll
bite. "If this is the Red section why are the bleachers
Green?" She answers "We hired a new worker and didn't
realize he was color blind until it was too late." I
tell her "No thank you." and move on.
That
was the Hook.
Next are the yellow seats, the seats I could
see from just outside of the tent. Sure enough, it's the Green
section with bright yellow, spacious, PADDED seats. Small
sign hanging over the back row "Green Section".
Another ticket booth. "Sir, would you like to upgrade
to the green section?" I have to know, "How much
to upgrade to the Green section?" I ask. "We have
just a few seats left" she says. "I can let you
have them for $25.00 each." "No thank, you"
I said. Now they are tugging on the Line.
At this point I have to stop and remind myself that
it's not about me, it's about the children. A live circus
is much better for them than three hours on a laptop with
a webcam, talking to someone in a chatroom, even if we don't
have the VIP seats.
As we move on around the tent looking for the "Yellow
Section" I start to get the feeling that I've been taken
advantage of. But not by the Circus, they gave me free tickets
and made no promises other than It was the greatest show on
earth. I knew that it wasn't going to be the greatest show
on earth but a little exaggerated self-promotion on their
part is fine. I don't have to upgrade my ticket and I don't
have to buy any Hot Nuts. But I still feel like someone has
duped me, just not sure who. Then, just as we are rounding
the last corner on our way to the yellow section with the
blue seats, it hits me. No, it's not the realization of why
I'm feeling a little taken advantage of, it's the smell. What
is that? Smells kind of like a wet dog. A dirty wet dog. Did
I mention that it started raining somewhere between the Green
section and the Red section? Or was it the Blue and the Purple.
"Over here. There it is!" I shout. I have
to shout because I now have 7 children strung out over three
sections. Yes, 7. Nope, not all mine. But because they found
out we were going, I was elected by the neighborhood mothers'
association to take everyone's children.
We reach
the blue seats in the Yellow section. We are almost back around
to where we came in the tent. There we find bleachers made
out of 2x8s. The kind that cup up a little at the front and
back and cut into your legs just below your butt. Just enough
room for about 30 people. Already on the bleachers are 20
plus children and 3 adults, all male. Why do guys fall for
this stuff? Free tickets. Getting elected to take every child
in the neighborhood. Guys are gullible when it comes to things
like this. At least I'm not alone. Then something clicked
in my head. That's it! It's the parents in my neighborhood.
That's who took advantage of me. They said they had taken
the kids last year. Duh! They knew about the upgrades. They
knew about the ranger swords. They knew about the Hot Nuts
and $10 cokes and never said a word.
We pile into the bleachers next to, who I am now sure of,
owns the three Yugos I saw in the field. This isn't too bad
though, I said to myself. We can still see about 2 1/2 of
the three rings.
That smell is really strong now and I can see what
it is. The pins for the animals are directly behind the Yellow
section. That's the Sinker
It's still 30 minutes until show time. Just enough
time for all 7 children to take turns going to the bathroom.
You guessed it, the bathrooms are all the way back around
to where we came in the tent. Past the Nacho stand, the Drink
booth, the R..A..N..G..E..R S..W..O ..R..D salesman
and of course the Hot Nuts booth. Total cost of the bathroom
runs, $96.00.
Finely
it's show time. First into the rings are the Lions and the
Tigers, followed by the High Wire Team, the Dog and Pony show,
the Clowns, beautiful white Arabian horses, and last but not
least, The largest land animal on the planet, the Majestic
Pachyderm. This was the largest elephant that I have had the
opportunity to see up close. This thing was HUGE. They all
made a couple of passes around the tent, Lions roaring, dogs
jumping on the backs of ponies and back to the ground, Acrobats
doing cartwheels and back flips, the sounds the elephant made
sent chills down my back. "Welcome to the Greatest Show
on Earth" the Ringmaster announced. Cool, this is going
to be ok. The performers took their places under the Big Top.
Ring one at the other end of the tent. Lions and Tigers,
Center ring. Acrobats, Dog and Pony, Clowns and the Ringmaster.
Our ring, The Largest Land Animal on the planet gets parked
right in front of the yellow section. We can't see anything
but the elephant's ass! 5 minutes of swaying back and forth
trying to see around it and it's time to upgrade our tickets.
Cost of the "Free Circus Tickets"?
8 x $12.50 upgraded tickets. $97
Two trips to the bathroom $134
Bubba and Bob's Towing to pull us out of the
mud. $30
Knowing that at least three other people bought
a Yugo. Priceless.
If you have never been to a "Free Circus",
you need to go. It will change your perspective on life. You
will be able to attach a smell the the phrase "Bait
and Switch" and recall it every time someone
try's to pull it on you. This is where the phrase "Something
smells fishy" came from.
To make this long story even longer, I checked with
Shimpo and found out that the above-mentioned "Pottery
Suppler" was not even a Shimpo Dealer. And that if I
wanted to order wheels, Yosukie would make sure they shipped
today. I will have them in 3 days or less.
What's the difference in the Circus and the above mentioned
dealer?
The Circus: With all of the time wasting
things available at home, it's hard to get people to show
up at the Circus. Telling you that good seats are $12.50 each
and cokes are $10 won't get you to the show. Free tickets
will. But I'm glad I went and I didn't have to upgrade. It
was my choice. They did everything they promised and then
tried to upgrade me.
The Dealer: They
lied. They never intended to let me have a wheel for the advertised
price. They offered something they couldn't deliver and then
tried to downgrade me. Bait and Switch at
it's worst.
Before you buy that Downgraded Wheel, ask yourself,
how long could you look at an elephants ass to save $12.50?
My limit was 5 minutes. Next time I'll go for the VIP seats
to start with.
Till
next time, Keep it muddy. And if it is muddy, don't call B
& B towing.
Mike
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